Big AppleThe Fall of Man
a play by Marc Wellington
Scene I Introduction
Narrator: Are you sitting comfortably…? Good; then let us begin! [cue music]This story occurred many, many years ago, before any of your grand parents were born, or even their grandparents, or their grand parents. In fact, it is the oldest story ever told, and it took place over seven days, way before all the things we see now ever existed. No mountains, no rivers, no trees, no animals…no sun, no life at all. Only Yahweh existed; so it was only He that could have created them, and He did. It all began as such:[Lights Out][Cue Chaos Depiction & Darkness Music]
The darkness surged and shrouded, suffocated and engulfed everything…and nothing. It was the absence of knowledge. It was the absence of love. It was the absence of life. The Spirit of the all existent One moved steadily across the face of the deep. The formless void gave way to the glory of the Most High. Yahweh l looked around at the vast nothingness, and the non-existence of existence itself and surmised that it was “not good”. [stop chaos, order the hands] And so, through the everlasting wisdom of The Spirit the three words were uttered which ushered love, and knowledge, and life onto Earth’s dead plain - “Let there be light”.
[Lights On]
Procession: A parade of characters that depicts each day of Creation.
Scene II Enter Adam
Narrator: Then Yahweh decided to make a man, in his own image and likeness. So Yahweh formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed the breath of life into his nostrils; and man became a living being.[Mists of smoke rise from stage left, and man emerges from the Earth.]
[Cue Adam]
Adam: [Looking down at himself] I’m alive!
[running to opposite side] I’m alive!
Adam: [and back] I’m alive! I need to pee!
Narrator: Well [clears throat]…Meanwhile Yahweh planted a garden eastward in Eden, and there he put the man whom He had formed. And out of the ground Yahweh made every tree that is pleasant to the sight and good for food. And in the middle of the garden were two special trees, one was the tree of life.
[Cue Tree of Life]Tree of Life: [spotlight] Hi I’m the Tree of Life. And if he eats me he shall surely live. That’s right I’m good for you…and tasty too!
[Big smile]Narrator: The other was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, or as it was affectionately known: The Big Apple. Yahweh told man that he could eat freely of every single tree in Eden, except for The Big Apple. Of this tree, Yahweh said, You shall not eat, for in the day that you eat it, you shall surely die!
[As the narrator speaks Yahweh explains this to Adam in the form of gestures and facial expressions]
Tree of Knowledge: Hi, I’m the Big Apple, and if he eats me he shall surely DIE!
Adam: Die? Tree of Knowledge: Die!Adam: Seriously, die like die?
Tree of Knowledge: Yes Die!
Tree of Life: Die [shouting]…[others turn to him…sheepish blush] I mean try me I’m great!
Scene III Adam Names The Animals Narrator: And out of the ground Yahweh formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and one by one they presented themselves to Adam. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name.
Adam: Dodo bird…definitely a dodo. Next!
Cow: [to goat] Hey buddy, could ya move it up a little, this thing behind me is itching my butt. I think its made of cotton or something.
Goat: [to cow] Could ya be a little more patient, you’ll get there.
Cow: [to goat] But there’s room in front of you, just move up man, I’m asking real nicely. I’ve been in line all day and I haven’t used the bathroom, I feel like I’m about to bust. Adam: [Loudly] A horse, definitely a horse. Next!
Goat: [to cow] Hey you ain’t the only one sweetheart. Just hold ya horses.
Cow: [to goat] Hold my horses? [to sheep] You believe this guy, he’s as stubborn as a…stubborn as a…
Adam: [loudly] Mule! Definitely a mule! Next!
Sheep: [to cow] He is kind of rude, you should just tell him how you feel. Be open and sincere.
Cow: [to sheep] How d’ya mean?
Sheep: [to cow] Just do what comes natural man!
Cow: [to itself] Just do what comes natural…great idea. [to goat] Hey buddy!
Goat: [to cow] Yeah what is it now?
Cow: [Loudly] MMMMooooooooooo!
Goat: [Pause] [to cow with exasperated unsurprised look]
Naaaaahhhhh!! And tell that cotton swab I heard him.
Cow: [to goat] Didn’t work, says he heard you.
Sheep: [to cow, with a wave of his hand forward] BAAAHHHH!!!
Scene IV Enter Eve
Narrator: Adam began to sense a deep sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He looked around at the animals, each one had a mate to be with them during the days and nights in the garden. He looked around at the beauty of Eden and began to wonder what it would be like to share it all with somebody else. Loneliness had crept into his spirit. Adam was sad. Yahweh looked down on his Creation whom he loved so much and decided that it was not a good thing that Adam lived in solitude. But man lived in alone. Yahweh decided to change this, in His wisdom he said “I will make him a helper comparable to him”. And so it was Yahweh caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and as he slept Yahweh took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib that Yahweh took He made into a woman and he brought her to the man. [Enter Eve stage left, looking around at her vast new world] Narrator: And Adam said: this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called Woman because She was taken out of Man. And as the woman looked around at the beauty and grandeur of Eden Adam ventured a charming greeting.
[Cue Music] Encounter
Adam: Hello woman.
Eve: Woman? Who you calling woman?
Adam: No…no, no disrespect but that’s what you’re called.
Eve: Is my name woman?
Adam: No…uh…you’re right, no its not woman. Um…its Eve, but a woman is what you are.
Eve: Oh, so you’re saying I’m an object.
Adam: Um…no, you’re a person just like I am, only different. Eve: You’re cute, but not really my type. Nice place though. Yours?Adam: Um…ours. [confused look]
Eve: Wow, a girl could get used to this.
Adam: But you’re not girl…you’re a woman.
Eve: Lighten up Ashton, its just an expression.
Adam: Uh…its Adam.
Eve: So what do we do around here all day?
Adam: Well I tend to the gardening make sure everything is pruned, its crazy how quickly the crabgrass takes over. And I was thinking maybe you’d help me out during the day with the lifting and stuff. And then, are you ready for this…crazy idea.
Eve: [confused look] No but go on.
Adam: I was thinking you’d be in charge of preparing my meals. Huh…huh…talk about responsibility huh.
Eve: Um…how about no.
Adam: What was that word?
Narrator: Adam had never heard the word no before. But as soon as he did, he knew exactly what it meant. Sort of like context clues. Eve went on and on about how she wasn’t his slave and that they were equal.
Eve: And furthermore, if neither of us are objects and we’re both the same, why I gotta make your dinner. You can make your own dinner, and lunch for that matter. You know what, this is not cool, this is not cool Amos.
Adam: Its Adam [exasperated]
Eve: Whatever. Just show me to my sleeping quarters please.
Adam: Yes, well we sleep over here.
Eve: Ya know what, not tonight Arlington. Maybe tomorrow. Not really comfortable yet. G’night! [shuts door in his face] Narrator: That night Adam slept in the house of the dog, the animal whom he had recently become most acquainted. The dog didn’t mind having Adam in his doghouse, but he wondered why Adam looked so forlorn and far away in thought. But the dog asked no questions. If man needed to sleep in his house every now and then the doors were wide open.Scene V The Cunning Serpent
Narrator: Now there was an animal in the garden called Sir Pent. And Sir Pent was more cunning than any beast of the field which Yahweh had made. He was unscrupulous in his dealings and often cheated the animals out of their food rations. Today he was selling a worthless artifact he had found in the garden.
Sir Pent: [Creeps up to chicken while music plays] Hey buddy!Chicken: [loudly] WHO ME?!Sir Pent: [pulls him in eagerly] Shhhhhh
Chicken: [whispers] who me?
Sir Pent: [under his breath] rigggghhhht. Would ya like buy an O?
Chicken: [loudly] AN O?!Sir Pent: [pulls him in eagerly] Shhhhhh
Chicken: [whispers] an o?
Sir Pent: [under his breath] rigggghhhhht.
Chicken: What can I do with an O?
Sir Pent: [look of surprise] What can ya do wit an O? Why…what can’t ya do with an O? Ya walking through the garden and ya run into one o’ dem de’re walls. And ya can’t get around, and ya can’t get under, and ya can’t get tru. What do you do?
Chicken: I don’t know what do you do? Sir Pent: Well…ya go o’va.Chicken: OVER?!Sir Pent: [pulls him in eagerly] Shhhhhh!
Chicken: [whispers] over?Sir Pent: [under his breath] rigggghhhht. And ya can’t have o’va without an O, can ya? Chicken: No, you most certainly can’t.
Sir Pent: So…[Cue Song]
Narrator: And Sir Pent saw Eve walking through the garden gathering sticks. He knew who she was right away, and immediately had an idea on how to really scale the walls of Eden and take his act on the road. He knew that he must convince her to do the unthinkable, he would have to be cunning, he would have to be conniving, he would have to be crafty, and more importantly he would have to be a she.
Scene VI Satan Deceives Eve
[Sir Pent changes into something else entirely: a little innocent looking girl with a great proposition for Eve]
Satan: Hello ma’am
Eve: Well hello, who are you?
Satan: Belsey…Belsey Bubb, my friends call me Lucy, but don’t ask me why though.
Eve: Lucy. That’s a pretty name.
Satan: Whats yours?
Eve: Its Eve. Satan: That’s so short, not distinguishing at all. I’ll call you Elphaba.Eve: What was that word…distin…
Satan: Distinguishing…you know, something that sets you apart from the others. Something that makes you special. Don’t you feel special?
Eve: I don’t know what that is?Satan: Why…everybody should feel special, but I can see why you wouldn’t.Eve: Why?
Satan: Well, look at what you’re wearing. You can’t honestly feel special in that. You have to get some nice clothing, a nice handbag, a nice hairdo, some lipstick and makeup…and most importantly some nice Prada shoes.
Eve: Pra…da?
Satan: Yes…Prada. [pulls things from bag] Calvin Klein, Yves Saint Lauren, Gucci, Marc Jacobs, and of course Blackberry. Without which I’d be lost. Why Ms. Elphaba you simply must modernize…or you will never be distinguished, you’ll never be
accepted, you’ll never be popular.
Eve: Popular?
Satan: Yes popular. Popularity is the most important thing in life. Without it you won’t ever be anybody, but the wife of some farmhand.
Eve: How do I modernize? How do I become popular?
Satan: Well, the first thing you need is the know-how. And there’s only one way to get the know-how. [looks up at the Big Apple Tree] {spotlight}
Eve: Oh no. I’m not supposed to touch that.
Satan: Says who? Eve: Says my husband Avery.Satan: Oh please, he just doesn’t want you looking like me. You may attract too much attention to yourself and he’d be jealous of that for sure. Can you imagine being popular…
[Cue Song] Popular
Narrator: Eve could not resist the ploys of Satan. She wanted desperately to be distinguished and popular. So she ate of the forbidden fruit and immediately she saw what Satan spoke of. She changed her appearance to a more modern look, and she took the fruit to Adam. Adam was furious at first. He could not believe Eve had disobeyed the edict of the Most High. He knew that Eve was destined to die now, and that he too must make a choice. He had grown to love Eve very much and did not want to be without her company, because you see, for him The Garden of Eden was where she was. So they both ate the fruit and their eyes were opened and they knew that they were dressed improperly. So they went out to get the Prada, the Calvin Klein, the Yves Saint Lauren, the Gucci, the Marc Jacobs…and of course the Blackberry. They certainly looked stylish, but this was not what Yahweh had planned for Mankind. Yahweh had planned for them to live together in peace and happiness for an Eternity. And one day they heard the sound of Yahweh walking in the garden in the cool of the day. And Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of Yahweh among the trees of the garden.
Scene VII Sentence Imposed
Yahweh: Adam…
[Adam shuffles behind the tree]
Yahweh: Adam…? [Yahweh moves over to the tree where Adam hides]
Yahweh: Adam? Why are you hiding?
Adam: I heard your voice among the trees and I was afraid, because I had changed my clothing.
Yahweh: Where did you get those clothes? And what made you change? Have you eaten from that tree that I told you not to touch? Tree of Life: Yes he has.Big Apple: And he shall surely DIE!
Adam: It was the woman. The woman you gave me told me that I had to moder…moder…modernize. She gave me from the tree, and yes I ate. It was all her fault.
Eve: Wait one second Alfred…I didn’t force feed you the apple…
Adam: You may as well had. You said I wasn’t wearing any shoes and that was unattractive…I needed Kenneth Coles…
Eve: No I didn’t, you wanted to look like me…
[Adam and Eve and the trees start arguing]
Yahweh: Silence!! [To Eve] What have you done here?
Eve: It was Lucy…she told me about the fruit. She said I needed to modernize. She said I needed these things to be…
Tree of Life: To be what?
Big Apple: To be what?
Yahweh: You two…quiet. [To Eve] To be what?
[Cue Music]
Eve: Popular…
Yahweh: But…popularity doesn’t mean anything. Its shallow and unfulfilling. The most important thing is what is inside of you. The things I placed there, things like love, patience, respect. Family is the most important thing, not these superficial ideas you have.
Eve: I know that now.
Yahweh: SA…TAN!!! Show yourself!
Satan: Yahweh…long time. Yahweh: You just couldn’t resist could you Lu?Satan: I am what I am [shrugging]
Yahweh: Because you have done this, you are cursed above every animal or beast of the field. You will crawl on your belly. Dust will be your food. I will make the woman your enemy, and her children will bruise your head, and your children will bruise her heel.
Satan: How just you are. [Satan backs away slowly] How just you are. Oh so just.
Yahweh: And you Eve…Because you have done this evil I will greatly multiply your sorrow. You will bear children in great pain. Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you.
Eve: He will rule over ME?
Yahweh: That is my word. And to you Adam. You have disappointed me the most. Cursed is the ground because of you. By work alone you will eat of it, all the days you live. You will eat bread by the sweat of your face, until you return to the ground.
Adam: Return to the ground?
Yahweh: It is dust that you are, so it is dust you shall return.
Scene VIII You Cannot Pass
Narrator: Yahweh spoke His Word and it was done. And Yahweh said, “behold the Man has become like one of Us, he knows good and evil. His desire is to advance and modernize. And now before he puts out his hands and eats also of the Tree of Life, and eats and lives forever, let Us send him from the Garden to till the ground from which he was taken. So he drove out the Man and he placed an angel at the East of the Garden, with a flaming sword which turned every which way to guard the way to the tree of life.
Angel: Gabriel? Whats up? Long time no see buddy, how you doing? That’s good. I’m great. Just got a new post out here on Earth. [Laughs Loudly] Yeah doing my thing thing. How bout you? You still head of the Message Dept? That gig is sweet…traveling all over. You gotta hook me up on some frequent flyer miles. [Laughs loudly] Who me? I’m loving every moment of it, nothing to do really, just sit here looking beautiful. Huh? Oh yeah I can talk as long as I want…free nights and weekend kid. [laughs Loudly] You know what I’m sayin? Bluetooth! Oh and guess what, they gave ya girl the flaming sword. Yeah the sword!
[Adam and Eve approach gate]
Angel: Whoa. Whoa…hold up Gabby. I’ma have to call you back.
[Adam and Eve are looking for a way to get back into the Garden]
Angel: Whoa, whoa hold up Man! Can I help you?
Adam: Uh Hi…what’s your name?
Angel: Never you mind! What are you doing?
Adam: My name is Adam and we just…
Eve: We live here!
Angel: Ya do. Okay. In that case you should be on my list. Adam…Adam…Adam…oh wait here you are. You’ve been red flagged. Back up!
Eve: What about me? [to Adam] What?
Angel: Okay…what’s the name?
Eve: Its…its Elphaba [Adam looks at Eve and shakes his head]
Angel: Elphaba huh? That’s a strange one. Elphaba…Elphaba… Oh you mean Elphaba formerly known as Eve? You’ve been red flagged too sweetheart. Thought you could slip one by me. You’ve gotta wake up pretty early in the morning for that. Both of you have been exiled so I suggest you back up from the gate, go on your way and don’t return. Adam: But…but…we don’t have any food. We’re hungry.
Angel: Shoulda thought of that before you starting snacking on unforbidden fruit. Oh yeah, I know what ya did. And let me tell you – I used to be your biggest fan. I was rooting for you bro. you really blew it. Now back up…I don’t want to have to cut you.
Eve: But wait…we live here. This our home.
Angel: Not anymore Elphaba. Now back up! I got a flaming sword, you’ve been warned.
Adam: Come on Eve, lets go. Its no use.
Angel: Hey its not personal, I’m just taking care of business.
Adam: Where do we go?
Angel: Well, there’s a little neighborhood about 10 miles due south. Rent is really cheap, rough place though. Yeah, tough customers over there. They call it Wilder…Wilder-something. Oh yeah…The Wilder Nest?
Adam and Eve: The Wilderness
Angel: oh yeah, that place. Boy, I went there once, even the plants are mean.
…to be continued
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